In defiance of my fiancee’s requests to do otherwise, I will embrace my inner glutton in the supermarket aisle, one product at a time. An ongoing series until I get shut down.
Poppin’ Pebbles ($5.29)
I came close to getting shut down last week after just one venture into this fine idea. Upon hearing of my delicious intentions, the lady of the house promptly ordered me a week’s worth of vegan and macrobiotic lunches and said “you’re screwed, because I’m not traveling for weeks.” Since I’m not about waste, I realized that the only meals I could control during this encampment would be breakfast and snacks. So it was with this in mind that I entered an aisle of the supermarket that has been coveted since my first steps as a human being. The cereal aisle. So many colors, so many flavors, so many cartoon characters trying to lure me into a sugar-filled journey to the bottom of a bowl. Familiarity led me towards the Pebbles section and after a brief scan I focused in on Poppin’ Pebbles, a new entry into the Pebbles cereal family. There on the cover were Bam-Bam and Pebbles having a hell of time, mesmerized by the fizzing balls on their tongues. I immediately wanted that childhood sense of wonder and excitement, and knew that these Pop Rocks Pebbles were going to give me just that. I was sold. Pegged as a do good dad by the checkout girl, I hurriedly scampered outside into the early afternoon and back to the safety of my apartment. And to the kitchen I ran. After pulling a bowl down from the cupboard, I tore open the box top, and emptied the bright flaky contents into the dish. A very sweet and welcoming scent filled the air, a smell exclusive to freshly-opened cereal, candy, and certain types of pot. With growing anticipation for my sneaky treat, I turned towards the refrigerator, opened it, and was given the biggest ‘Fuck You’ of the day. Almond milk. In my rush to feed, I forgot the lord’s milk, Vitamin D. How is one supposed to get 100% gluttonous with a healthy dairy alternative? Without even trying, my dear sweet woman had struck again. Hanging my head, I reasoned to myself that milk was simply just a vessel for the cereal, and poured the flavorless nut water in. Now you’ve probably been waiting this entire time to read how the cereal tasted? Well, that first spoonful was an electric flavor explosion. Without the competition of milk on my palette, the taste was just pure overwhelming berry pebbles. Did the cereal “pop”? Not like the buttons on my pants after two consecutive bowls. Was the bowl finished in under two minutes? Definitely. Would I eat it again? I still have the rest of the box to finish. So, yes. With that I leave you until next time, and remember, eat for fun every once in a while.