WYWS Week: ESPO

We close out WYWS week with the first interview ever published in the magazine in 1997, featuring an all-time favorite, ESPO. If you haven’t bought the book yet, do it. There’s almost 500 pages of entertainment in it.

Interview by Roger Gastman

 

Is Elvis still alive today?

Elvis is dead. But the cool thing about Elvis is I think he is reincarnated into people. I think his soul is still around, and I think he is just taking people over, moving from host form to host form. That’s why all the Elvis appearances. He could take over your body and you could turn into Elvis. You might look the same when you look in the mirror, but when you’re walking down the street people see you as the King.

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WYWS Week: CHRI$ NIERATKO WANTS TO KNOW IF GLENN DANZIG IS A GODDAMN SON-OF-A-BITCH!

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.

I’ve never been much of a fan of Glenn Danzig, the solo artist. Actually, that song “Mother” he did a few years ago was as painful to me as getting a vasectomy by a doctor with a fork and a spoon without any anesthesia. But Glenn Danzig, lead singer for Samhaim or the Misfits, that’s a whole ‘nother story. Back then, his hair was shorter, he was more pissed off and his songs made me want to fight. When I found out I was interviewing Mr. Danzig, I was hoping that I would get to interview the other guy, the ex-lead singer of the Misfits. But that’s impossible, ‘cause he’s dead. Instead, I got the “Mother” guy.

 

Are you originally from Lodi, NJ? 

Yeah, I grew up in Lodi. I also grew up in Revere Beach in Boston and in Manhattan.

 

What is it they got out there?

Sluts.

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WYWS Week: Ron Jeremy

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.

Interview by Roger Rock, Fat Rich, and Richard Colman

 

Do you think the Incredible Hulk has a bigger penis than you?

No, because usually guys that are into bodybuilding have very small penises. That’s why they go into bodybuilding in the first place.

 

From one stud to another, do you ever cry yourself to sleep at night?

Why? There are times that I might get sad because there is nothing romantic in my life. That’s one thing you miss being in porno. It’s hard to have a relationship because no one will take you seriously. It’s like Sam Kinison used to say, “Well honey, I really enjoyed having breakfast with you but now I gotta go fuck somebody. I’ll see you Thursday.” How many girlfriends want to hear that? It gets lonely once in a while.

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WYWS Week: Kevin Smith Puts Slim-Fast To The Test

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.

This accompanied a revealing interview with the film director in WYWS #14

WYWS Week: Pat The Party Jerk

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.

PAT THE PARTY JERK: WALK OF SHAME

By Trevor Michaels

I heard this story the other day at a concert, and I feel that all of you would benefit from its message. And besides, it’s about a great subject: college women. In college, two things are clear. College guys are horny assholes just looking for tail, and college women are horny bitches just looking for dick. Anyway, the story goes like this.

A freshman girl sits in her room one night soon after arriving on campus. A frat guy knocks on her door. “Hey babe. Do you, uh, maybe want to go to a party with me?” At this crucial moment, the chick thinks, “I am at college. My parents aren’t here to tell me what to do. I am free and independent now. I am going to the party.”

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WYWS Week: Americans I Most Admire

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.

Editor’s note:

I had been fascinated by serial killers for years, and on a trip to Milwaukee, WI, I visited the bars where Jeffrey Dahmer used to pick up his victims. One day, Ben and I were sitting around talking about awesome ways to kill people and awesome ways to dispose of their bodies, and we decided we should write about serial killers in this magazine I had somehow just started. We could write whatever we wanted; no one was going to edit us.

I can’t remember if it was supposed to be a reoccurring column or not, but it turned out to be WYWS’ longest running column, and we ended up covering more than just Americans. There are a lot of admirable European sickos out there too.

- Roger Gastman

 

AMERICANS I MOST ADMIRE: ED GEIN

By Ben Shupe

Picture this: La Crosse, Wisconsin, 1906. A little boy named Edward Gein was born. Heard of him? Well, let me tell you a little story about Ed.

Gein’s father was a raging alcoholic for most of the day. On the rare occasion that he was sober, he held jobs as a local tanner and a carpenter. He also found time to keep up the family farm. While Ed’s father was outside playing with the livestock, Gein’s uptight, overbearing, religious zealot of a mom was inside on her knees praying to God for the slow and painful death of her husband. She didn’t like men. Hell, she hated women just as much. Ed and his brother Henry were taught that women were nothing more than schemers and whores who would separate the family. They were also taught that premarital sex was a sin, and so was marriage. In fact, the two brothers were forbidden to marry. No problem though, Ed had masturbation! Shit, when Ed’s mom finally died in 1945—not long after his father and brother’s deaths—the coroner found cum stains all over his mothers face!

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WYWS Week: How To Draw A Space Monkey in Five Steps

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.

From the article 6 Feet 6 Inches of Dalek. Page 381

WYWS Week: The Sticker Game

Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book. What better way to start out than by looking at some of the stickers designed in collaboration with Shepard Fairey in the late ’90s / early ’00s, from page 142.