Imagine if your house was filled with close to 6000 brown recluse spiders. Open a cabinet, there’s a spider. Get into bed, spider under your comforter. Check on the baby, spider in the crib. Taking a shower, spider hovering down from above. This was one Missouri family’s nightmare two years ago when the house they purchased became grossly infested with the venomous brown recluse. Now in classic American form, the arachnophobic family that abandoned the home are suing the previous owners for not disclosing the 48,000 legged problem.
A new report from the Living Planet Index states that world wildlife populations have been reduced to half of what they were 40 years ago. The population of wild mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians and fish is down by an average of 52%, while the population of freshwater species is down 76%. No word on house pets and zoo animals, because nobody tracks that sort of thing, but those numbers are probably holding steady.
Located inside the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, VA, Starbucks “Store Number 1” is allegedly one of the busiest in the world, and also due to security risks, the only shop where customer’s names are not written onto cups. Yet somehow through all the secrecy we’re able to learn that the most popular items ordered are vanilla lattes and lemon poundcake during the day, and double espressos and Frappuccinos at night. The store’s manager has one goal for the operation, to “help humanize the environment” for the agents who are isolated without cellphones inside the secretive campus. Because lord knows, we have to keep them as human as possible.
Charlo Greene, a former reporter on Alaska’s KTVA TV, quit on-air last night in a “Half Baked” style move after outing herself as the owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, which she had just been reporting on in the segment.
“Now everything you’ve heard is why I, the actual owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, will be dedicating all of my energy toward fighting for freedom and fairness, which begins with legalizing marijuana here in Alaska,” she said. “And as for this job, well, not that I have a choice but, fuck it, I quit.”
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