At Least You’re Not Any of These People

A naked man high on PCP put on quite a show for passersby at a busy intersection in northwest Houston. According to one onlooker: “He was doing the Beyonce, the surf board, twerking, the Nae Nae. Every dance that’s out there right now, he was doing.”
“Wild Thing” Mitch Williams lived up to his nickname over the weekend by getting ejected from his 10 year-old son’s baseball game for cursing out an umpire just like they used to do in the big leagues. Caught in the heat of the moment, the former Major Leaguer had to be physically separated from the ump after his expulsion, and subsequently refused to leave the field for an additional 10 minutes, causing a delay in the children’s baseball game.
More from H-Town as a ‘Serial Pooper’ has been terrorizing the historic neighborhood of Woodland Heights. The mustached man who has been caught on video dropping deuces on the front lawns and driveways of homes, uses paper towels to wipe, and leaves the big sheets behind as an additional calling card. Neighbors are not pleased: “Whatever people think should go on around here — pooping is not okay. We don’t want dogs pooping in our yards why would we want a human? It is very strange.”
Christ Bearer, the Wu-affiliated rapper who cut off his own dick and jumped out a window last month blamed weed, depression, and a curious book about “monks and vasectomies” as the reason for his insane cry for help.
And finally, in classic ‘Maury’ fashion, a couple that was supposed to be appear on the daytime talk show was arrested on the eve of their performance after getting into a fight when the woman found out her boyfriend was sleeping with her mother.

New York History We Did Not Know

Early on the foggy Saturday morning of July 28th, 1945, a U.S. Army B-25 bomber on its way to Newark Airport crashed directly into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building. The building reopened two days later.

via, doobybrain

These Two Will Do Anything to Hide The Drugs…


Two men being detained on a traffic violation in Bartlesville, Oklahoma shared an intimate moment in the back of a police cruiser earlier this week. With outstanding felony warrants and three eight balls of meth in his mouth, Timothy Povlick knew he had to do something drastic in order to conceal his speedy merchandise. His answer? Swallow the meth. Fortunately, his good buddy wouldn’t let him take the entire load himself, and the two agreed “We’re going to have to be gay for a second”. And “gay” they got. The two outlaws proceeded to kiss and transfer the baggies, unaware that their entire conversation and act was being recorded on a newly installed dashboard cam. Now charged with possession of methamphetamine and destruction of evidence, the tweakers had no clue that their brief exchange and advice, “Don’t Suck on em… swallow em homie” would be prepping them for a new life in the penitentiary.

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News Craze


Weird News from around the globe

Artists in San Francisco have converted a box truck into a “sex suite on wheels,” naming the real-life conceptual “art” installation “The Hook-Up truck.”

“Vampire therapy,” aka a transfusion of young blood, is now a thing, and might actually reverse aging.

A couple in Calgary got a little too kinky with a cat, and killed it.

Six weeks before the World Cup, a soccer fan in Recife was killed by Toilet that had been flung from a stadium.

The 2nd annual Running of the Chihuahuas happened in Winter Park, Florida.

lead image via arbroath

Ink Rush!


Before the US Army’s new regulations on the Wear and Appearance of Army Uniforms and Insignia kick in, soldiers are heading to tattoo shops in droves to get all the ink that their hearts desire.

They might want to consult this column for the best results

“One day I simply decided to quit my job, that was a years ago. Since then I’ve staying here with the fire.”


Meet “Europe’s Dirtiest Person.” Ludvik Dolezal of the Czech Republic spends his day tending to his fire, burning whatever he can find. Then at night, he goes to sleep in the pile of hot ash.

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The Rastafarians

Dan Rather reports for 60 minutes back in 1979/1980

“A healthy individual can have up to 18 flatulences per day and be perfectly normal”


Farting is good for you

“E.T. is definitely here”


The Atari Graveyard in an Alamogordo, New Mexico landfill has been excavated. Among the findings were copies of the fabled “worst game in history,” E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, and vintage Atari games like Centipede and Missile Command. The bounties of the dig—which was facilitated for a documentary about the graveyard—will be split 90/10 between the city of Alamogordo and Fuel Entertainment, with the city’s share destined to be placed on the market at some point in the future.

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Here’s Jesus On a Pancake


Before going to bed on the night before Good Friday, Cowgirl Café owner Karen Hendrickson prayed to the Lord: “Dear God, please just continue to look over the Cowgirl Café.” Little did she know that the next morning her prayers would be answered, and it would be the big guy’s son who would do the watching. Risen from the griddle—and soon to be on display in the Norco, California restaurant—this image of Jesus with “a receding hairline” appeared on a freshly made pancake. To some it’s a “divine sign,” and to others a wasted meal that looks like Charles Manson, but whatever the case, Jesus is out there on a pancake on a plate for anyone that wants to make the pilgrimage.

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Running From Rap


A middle-aged prisoner in England recently broke out of jail to escape the round-the-clock rap music that was being blasted by the younger inmates on his wing. After hearing the reason for escape at the re-sentencing, the judge delivered the cold reality to the hip-hop hater: “I’m afraid that’s one of the prices people pay if they commit crimes and go to prison.”

via, arbroath

A Ball in Hand is Worth Two on The Green


Some vandalism occurred on the First green at the Darwin Golf Club in Australia’s Northern Territory

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The Most Mainstream Vandal On Earth


Gotta love a new Banksy or two.

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Oh Look That Guy Is Trying to Commit Suicide on the Bridge, Might As Well Get A Good Selfie to Remember This Special Occasion


Damn, people.

The Ultimate Warrior, Rest in Peace


James Hellwig aka The Ultimate Warrior passed away yesterday, just 3 days after being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. His classic intensity is showcased, below.

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‘I’m here to sing with the King of the Jews, who could ask for anything more?’


Johnny Rotten is playing King Herod on the North American tour of Jesus Christ Superstar.

Paging Dr. Dong


Surgeons in China recently removed a jump rope from a man’s urethra and bladder after he’d inserted it in there for ‘sexual pleasure.’ Hanging 10 cm out the front, the biggest problem with removal according to a urologist named Dr. Dong, was the fact that the rope had become knotted. Makes you a bit squirmy, huh?

“The Modern-Day Equivalent of Tipping Over Cows”


Someone has been getting all mentos on smart cars in San Francisco

Bye Bye Banksy


Some idiot scrubbed out two Banksy pieces in LA, filmed himself doing it, and is now being charged with Felony vandalism. Even more shameful, the 35-year-old was picked up by police at his mom’s house in Modesto, CA.

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