Sex crimes and other weird stuff happening in the world
“Why would you let a 9-year-old who you hardly know put their feet on your face?”
- A 19-year old ex-roller rink employee with a foot fetish has admitted to fondling over 200 pairs of little boy feet
“Yeah, I would definitely recommend it, if you’re lonely.”
- Kids are now fucking Hot Pockets
“When officers arrived at the home, they found two men yelling for help from a second-story window”
- If she stays out of trouble, 52-year old Terry L. Boyd will avoid jail time after keeping two men locked in a room as sex hostages
“Worshippers needed to feel free in their ‘mind and body’”
- A Kenyan pastor has apparently banned female congregants from wearing bras and underwear during church service
and to prove technology benefits all
“By the end of the year, I had slept with 15 men, 11 of whom were in their 20s or 30s.”
- A 60-year old woman discovers Tinder
As California dries up, desperate farmers and vineyard owners are turning to water witches to locate underground water sources. Using only divining rods and their intuition, popular witches can make $500 or more per site visit.
“Wanted: Friends that will partake in awesome stuff”
- A lonely bro in D.C. is looking for some company
“I’d like the world to know the largest and best one came from the States… I’ve always had a dream of fame and fortune for Elmo,”
- An American man is considering amputation so that his penis can be the first human specimen in the Phallological Museum in Reykjavik, Iceland
“He insisted that prostitutes should not be able to behave like that.”
- Apparently hookers can say “No”
“foreign pig” “dirty asylum-seeker”
- Phrases that are offensive, but not racist in Switzerland.
“I was completely wasted but when you are drinking you are determined.”
- A 22-year-old British man woke up in Amsterdam after getting drunk at a friend’s funeral in London
“He only had one option and it was to jump the fence, and he jumped it. He did not jump it gracefully,”
- A woman with a stun gun chased after a man that flashed her in Salem, Oregon
“I’ve almost died 80 Times”
- Meet the most allergic woman in the world
The Brian Williams version. These synch up so good.
An overly concerned Utah mother recently spent $567 to buy up all of the Van Styles’ “pornographic” t-shirts at a PacSun store after the manager refused her demands to take the window display down. Knowing that depleted stock means the store will just order more, the mom vows to return once again and buy out everything until they get the message. Sex sells, forever.
An actor who played McGruff the Crime Dog was sentenced to 16 years in prison after pleading guilty to the possession of 1,000 pot plants, a grenade launcher as well as 26 other weapons, and 9,000 rounds of ammunition.
Young prudes at Wellesley College are going crazy over Tony Matelli’s new hyper-realistic sculpture, Sleepwalker, which has been placed in a high-traffic outdoor location on the all-girls campus for his current exhibition, New Gravity. Not understanding that the sculpture is art, and not a real person, students have been petitioning that the work be moved out of their bubble and inside the art museum where only people who choose to view it, can. Very good preparation for the real world, ladies.
Drawing by HuskNitNavn
At the CELAC Summit in Havana, Cuba yesterday, the chillest president in the world (Uruguay’s Jose Mujica) briefly spoke out against formal business attire, stating that the dress was imposed on the world by the English during the Industrial Revolution, and that to maintain prestige in the world “We all had to dress up like monkeys with ties.” His point to other Latin American leaders was simply that they should try to relate to the people of their country, instead of their wealthy peers.