In a move that must have pay-per-view/reality show producers frothing at the mouth, convicted mass murderer Charles Manson is getting married from behind bars. The lucky girl is 26-year-old Afton Elaine Burton, who left her home at the age of 17 to be close to the incarcerated old man. From all the evidence presented, the 80-year-old (who’s currently serving a life sentence) is holding it down… although due to state law he only gets two hugs per visit and none of those conjugal. The ceremony of these two lovers will take place on the first Saturday of December, January, or February, and only 10 non-inmate guests will be permitted to attend. No outside photography will be allowed, so it will be up to the entrepreneurial skills of one of the guests to bring us the first images of Mr. and Mrs. Manson.
Jacksonville police recently arrested a 24-year-old man for stealing the toilet flushing mechanisms from 17 different public restrooms.
Or as Phil Rudd—AC/DC’s drummer and the man most recently charged with “drug possession and trying to hire a hitman to kill two people”—learned, you never want your “dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.”
Imagine if your house was filled with close to 6000 brown recluse spiders. Open a cabinet, there’s a spider. Get into bed, spider under your comforter. Check on the baby, spider in the crib. Taking a shower, spider hovering down from above. This was one Missouri family’s nightmare two years ago when the house they purchased became grossly infested with the venomous brown recluse. Now in classic American form, the arachnophobic family that abandoned the home are suing the previous owners for not disclosing the 48,000 legged problem.
Rest in Perm goes out to black hair-care entrepreneur Comer Cottrell, who turned the jheri curl (as worn by Lionel Richie, above) into an affordable hair style by bringing it into the home in the form of cheap kits targeted at adults and kids alike. He was 82 years old.
Somehow this cat managed to get wedged between a garage door and its frame down in Flagler Beach, Fl. According to the police captain who helped with the rescue: “There was no damage to the garage door and the cat walked away on its own.” Good enough.
Proving that there’s a lot of air in potato chip packages, two South Korean college students constructed a boat out of 160 unopened bags of chips and paddled it almost a mile across Seoul’s Han River. No word on if any snacks were eaten after the stunt was complete.
A new report from the Living Planet Index states that world wildlife populations have been reduced to half of what they were 40 years ago. The population of wild mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians and fish is down by an average of 52%, while the population of freshwater species is down 76%. No word on house pets and zoo animals, because nobody tracks that sort of thing, but those numbers are probably holding steady.
Located inside the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, VA, Starbucks “Store Number 1″ is allegedly one of the busiest in the world, and also due to security risks, the only shop where customer’s names are not written onto cups. Yet somehow through all the secrecy we’re able to learn that the most popular items ordered are vanilla lattes and lemon poundcake during the day, and double espressos and Frappuccinos at night. The store’s manager has one goal for the operation, to “help humanize the environment” for the agents who are isolated without cellphones inside the secretive campus. Because lord knows, we have to keep them as human as possible.
Pot News For Those Who Partake
“Pot-Smoking Moms Unapologetic About Getting High”
While we all know him from his buttoned-up travel show on Saturday television, Rick Steve’s latest tour is Travel as a Political Act: Ending marijuana prohibition in Oregon
According to a top FIFA official, air-conditioned stadiums built by exploited migrant workers, and games played during the “European winter” might not be enough to keep the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.
Charlo Greene, a former reporter on Alaska’s KTVA TV, quit on-air last night in a “Half Baked” style move after outing herself as the owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, which she had just been reporting on in the segment.
“Now everything you’ve heard is why I, the actual owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, will be dedicating all of my energy toward fighting for freedom and fairness, which begins with legalizing marijuana here in Alaska,” she said. “And as for this job, well, not that I have a choice but, fuck it, I quit.”
Drops the mic.