Four heroin addicted elephants used for smuggling drugs across the border between China and Myanmar are clean after undergoing a year-long rehab program involving megadoses of methadone. By feeding the elephants opium-laced bananas, gangsters were able to control the large pachyderms, forcing them to do anything they wished in order to get “the next fix.”
News From Outside the Comfort Zone
Change begins from within… The US sent nationalized youths from Venezuela, Costa Rica and Peru to Cuba to help “cultivate a new generation of political activists”
Spirited Away: Famed Japanese animation shop Studio Ghibli has announced that they will cease producing films
Bait & Kick: Some French-speaking men were videotaped luring a squirrel to the edge of the Grand Canyon with breadcrumbs before kicking it off the cliff.
Trapped then strapped: After being caught in a Chinese fisherman’s net, a 16 foot whale shark was dragged to shore then hoisted onto a tractor with hopes of being sold in a market. (pictured)
When keepin’ it real goes wrong: While filming a rap video, one of its stars was shot multiple times then pistol-whipped by his partner after getting into an argument over who was the better emcee.
One neighborhood in St. Louis is being plagued by plastic flamingos.
Unorthodox implements of crime used in recent assault cases
Full can of beer
Save the date, we’re 365 days away from being 6,000 miles from Pluto
Tommy Ramone, the last surviving member of the Ramones, passed away Friday,
After attending a Motörhead concert with his son, a 50-year-old headbanger went to the doctors with complaints of continued headaches that kept getting more intense. Due to nonstop shaking, the doctors diagnosed him with brain bleed and proceeded to drill a hole in his head to drain the blood from his brain. Following the procedure, the headaches went away and when the doctor was asked to comment on the case he simply stated: “I think if (our patient) had (gone) to a classical concert, this would not have happened” and concluded that the diagnoses “serves as evidence in support of Motörhead’s reputation as one of the most hardcore rock’n’roll acts on earth, if nothing else because of their contagious speed drive and the hazardous potential for headbanging fans to suffer brain injury.” Oh, that Lemmy.
Some French cats managed to lock an American woman in her bedroom. She live-tweeted the ordeal.
Pixel (above), the smallest cat in the world measuring five inches tall from shoulder to paw, would not have been able to do that (tweet or imprison).
On the other side of the world, Pablo Escobar’s hippos are having the time of their lives in the Colombian countryside
The same can’t be said for Emperor Penguins in Antarctica, where less ice, means less penguins.
There’s also one less guinea pig in the world, after a Kestrel flew through a window into a Czech Republic home tore apart the caged pet.
Sad news as we’ve learned that skate legend and original Z-Boys member Shogo Kubo passed away in Hawaii yesterday at the age of 54.
Call it the “Rise of the e-Athlete.” Starting this Fall, Robert Morris University in Chicago will offer at least 30 athletic scholarships to High School students with exceptional skills in the video game League of Legends. The first university to offer such a bonus, Associate Athletic Director acknowledged the lack of traditional athletic prowess necessary for the scholarships: “Obviously it’s not cardiovascular in any way, but it’s mental.”
Based on the size of his genitals and the condition of his teeth, a 13-year old picked up on theft charges in Russia was ruled by a judge to be an adult and to be tried like one.
*to be read in the tune of Big Girls Don’t Cry by The Four Seasons
According to new research: Hurricanes with a female name are often more deadly than their male counter-storms because people don’t take them as seriously.