There’s Truth in That App

sketchfactor-works

A Washington, D.C. news crew out on the streets reporting on a new app called SketchFactor, “a crowdsourced navigation app that shows the relative sketchiness of an area,” ironically had their van burglarized Friday night… in a sketchy neighborhood.

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“It has been a long battle but we can safely say that they are now reintegrated into elephant society and in some cases even have families of their own.”

opium-laced-bananas

Four heroin addicted elephants used for smuggling drugs across the border between China and Myanmar are clean after undergoing a year-long rehab program involving megadoses of methadone. By feeding the elephants opium-laced bananas, gangsters were able to control the large pachyderms, forcing them to do anything they wished in order to get “the next fix.”

The Crazy World We Live In

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News From Outside the Comfort Zone
 
Change begins from within… The US sent nationalized youths from Venezuela, Costa Rica and Peru to Cuba to help “cultivate a new generation of political activists”

Spirited Away: Famed Japanese animation shop Studio Ghibli has announced that they will cease producing films

Bait & Kick: Some French-speaking men were videotaped luring a squirrel to the edge of the Grand Canyon with breadcrumbs before kicking it off the cliff.

Trapped then strapped: After being caught in a Chinese fisherman’s net, a 16 foot whale shark was dragged to shore then hoisted onto a tractor with hopes of being sold in a market. (pictured)

When keepin’ it real goes wrong: While filming a rap video, one of its stars was shot multiple times then pistol-whipped by his partner after getting into an argument over who was the better emcee.
 

Crimes of Flamboyance

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One neighborhood in St. Louis is being plagued by plastic flamingos.

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Strange Weapons

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Unorthodox implements of crime used in recent assault cases
 
Dip-Spit

Spider

Rolls-Royce

Full can of beer

Banana

Ballpoint pen
 

The Wide World of Weed

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Pot News for Those Who Partake
 
Emphasis on dessert: weed weddings are growing in popularity in the legal states

Eaze, the Uber for weed in San Francisco.

The New York Times calls for total legalization

and The White House Responds

On the medical tip, new research shows that THC could slow down tumor growth in cancer patients

In other research news: Volunteers in the federal “how stoned is too stoned to drive” study were observed as happy participants in the testing.

Torture in Texas! Police bring in inmates from a local prison to clear marijuana fields

Is jail still an option for these guys tho? Illegal “hood” weed is still sold in legal states

and

The HIGH Kite has landed… in our store

 

Notes From the Dinosaur Renaissance

dinosaurs-news
 
Fossilized news
 
A new discovery in Siberia suggests that nearly all dinosaurs had feathers

Dinosaurs became extinct because of “colossal bad luck”

Tyrannosaur gangs used to terrorize the earth

A four-winged dinosaur with a 21-foot wingspan was unearthed in China

According to one creationist’s lawsuit, dinosaurs roamed the earth 4,000 years ago

and

The Koch brothers are apparently “dinosaur fetishists”
 

July 14, 2015: Humankind’s encounter with Pluto

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Save the date, we’re 365 days away from being 6,000 miles from Pluto

The Ramones are Dead, Long Live the Ramones

tommy-ramone-rest-in-peace

Tommy Ramone, the last surviving member of the Ramones, passed away Friday,

Printables

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I Was a Washington Post Reporter. And a Crack Addict. This is my story. by Ruben Castaneda

Headbanging All the Way to the Hospital

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After attending a Motörhead concert with his son, a 50-year-old headbanger went to the doctors with complaints of continued headaches that kept getting more intense. Due to nonstop shaking, the doctors diagnosed him with brain bleed and proceeded to drill a hole in his head to drain the blood from his brain. Following the procedure, the headaches went away and when the doctor was asked to comment on the case he simply stated: “I think if (our patient) had (gone) to a classical concert, this would not have happened” and concluded that the diagnoses “serves as evidence in support of Motörhead’s reputation as one of the most hardcore rock’n’roll acts on earth, if nothing else because of their contagious speed drive and the hazardous potential for headbanging fans to suffer brain injury.” Oh, that Lemmy.

Notes From The Animal Kingdom

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Some French cats managed to lock an American woman in her bedroom. She live-tweeted the ordeal.

Pixel (above), the smallest cat in the world measuring five inches tall from shoulder to paw, would not have been able to do that (tweet or imprison).

On the other side of the world, Pablo Escobar’s hippos are having the time of their lives in the Colombian countryside

The same can’t be said for Emperor Penguins in Antarctica, where less ice, means less penguins.

There’s also one less guinea pig in the world, after a Kestrel flew through a window into a Czech Republic home tore apart the caged pet.

Shogo Kubo, Rest in Peace

shogo-kubo-rest-in-peace

Sad news as we’ve learned that skate legend and original Z-Boys member Shogo Kubo passed away in Hawaii yesterday at the age of 54.

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“I looked across the driveway and I could see my boots over there. They were no longer on my feet, and one of them was smoking’. At that point I realized I had just been hit by lightning.”

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Lightning is striking again

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Not Madden Tho

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Call it the “Rise of the e-Athlete.” Starting this Fall, Robert Morris University in Chicago will offer at least 30 athletic scholarships to High School students with exceptional skills in the video game League of Legends. The first university to offer such a bonus, Associate Athletic Director acknowledged the lack of traditional athletic prowess necessary for the scholarships: “Obviously it’s not cardiovascular in any way, but it’s mental.”

The Saved

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Recent rescues around the world
 
It took 22 German firefighters to free an American exchange student who was trapped inside Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jaraa’s giant sculpture of a vagina. (above)

Turning to a much deeper crevasse in Germany, an injured explorer was brought above ground after spending 12 days at the bottom of Riesending, Germany’s deepest cave.

On his way to practice at the All England Club for Wimbledon, Andy Murray rescued a runaway labradoodle that was scurrying through traffic.

A Raccoon with its head stuck in a jar of peanut butter was rescued from the top of an electrical pole in Ontario.

After falling off their boat and treading water for 14 hours, a Florida couple was rescued by fisherman 7 miles offshore in the Atlantic Ocean

A tourist who had never seen snow before decided it was good idea to scale Britain’s highest mountain wearing flip-flops. He slipped and fell and was stretchered back down by the Lochaber Mountain Rescue Team.

“Police said he was crying and had been drinking alcohol.”

stay-strapped-tattoo

A man in Maine with a tattoo of a gun on his waist was arrested recently for actually having a real gun tucked into his waistband.

[Read more]

Discoveries

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Things previously hidden or unknown

A functional, 500-year old tunnel was recently uncovered on a previously unknown mile-long stretch of the Inca Road. It’s being heralded as “one of the finest examples of Inca engineering.

A fossilized 10 Million-Year-Old stegomastodon skull was found by attendees to a bachelor party in a remote area of Elephant Butte State Park in New Mexico.

Scientists may have found evidence of Earth’s underground ocean

Animals are able to experience carnal pleasure

and

Connecticut Police searching woods on a report of child screaming instead found a missing parrot in a tree. It had been saying “daddy, daddy, daddy” over and over again.

Big Balls Don’t Lie*

big-balls

Based on the size of his genitals and the condition of his teeth, a 13-year old picked up on theft charges in Russia was ruled by a judge to be an adult and to be tried like one.

*to be read in the tune of Big Girls Don’t Cry by The Four Seasons

via, arbroath

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