All Business

crumpled-yuan

In August 2013, a Xiao Li fell into a coma at an internet cafe after spending close to a week straight without any sleep while he fervently researched new business ideas. In January 2015, Xiao Li woke up from his coma after smelling a crisp 100 Yuan note that doctors had crumpled under his nose.

Charlie Hebdo, Before the Massacre

Damn. Rest in Peace.

“Love: Stronger than hate.”

charlie-hebdo

Our thoughts go out to the country of France and all those with affiliations to the staff of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, who were attacked today by multiple lunatic terrorist gunmen during the magazine’s daily editorial meeting at their offices in Paris.

 

Our Lady of the Perpetual Grind

Arnhem-Skate-Hall-chruch-skatepark

As Christianity weakens across Europe, former places of worship offer up some interesting real estate opportunities.

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“I’ll give you a chance to be creative”

nike-bail

The exact phrase you want to hear from a judge when you have no money for bail, but you just got a new pair of Nikes for christmas.

They Fall So Hard

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Dustin Diamond aka Samuel “Screech” Powers aka “The Switchblade Kid” was arrested Friday morning in Wisconsin after stabbing someone at a bar on Christmas night.

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Jeffrey Gamblero, Rest in Peace

korn

Known to his crew as KORN, and to the world as a Brooklyn Nets “Super-Fan,” Jeffrey Gamblero passed away yesterday due to complications from a two-story fall from a window at his father’s apartment in Queens. He was 38-years old.

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Frostbitten Flamingoes

flamingo-frostbitten

Flying the wrong way due to “unusual climactic conditions,” four different flamingoes flapped their way into Siberia last week.

Perverts! Everywhere!

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Tom Ford is selling a golden penis crucifix… although it’s not a likely purchase for the convicted sex offender who won $3 million off a scratch-off ticket. That guy was in Florida, as was this 21-year old, who was caught masturbating outside of his home because “his mother won’t let him watch pornography in the house.” And in other family news… Twin sisters recently did battle over a vibrator and a boyfriend. They were also in Florida.

Serious About Cereal

french-toast-crunch

General Mills has announced the return of French Toast Crunch to 21st century cereal bowls, but we have to wonder, how will it taste with all the new-fangled nut waters that have infiltrated our refrigerators?

Not as Much Raping and Pillaging as Previously Suggested

viking-women-todd-james

A recent study portrays Vikings as ‘family men’ who brought their women along on voyages to conquer new lands.

Art by Todd James

Rest in Purrs to the World’s Oldest two-faced Cat

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Frank and Louie aka “Frankenlouie” was 15 years old.

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