A new report from the Living Planet Index states that world wildlife populations have been reduced to half of what they were 40 years ago. The population of wild mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians and fish is down by an average of 52%, while the population of freshwater species is down 76%. No word on house pets and zoo animals, because nobody tracks that sort of thing, but those numbers are probably holding steady.
Located inside the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, VA, Starbucks “Store Number 1″ is allegedly one of the busiest in the world, and also due to security risks, the only shop where customer’s names are not written onto cups. Yet somehow through all the secrecy we’re able to learn that the most popular items ordered are vanilla lattes and lemon poundcake during the day, and double espressos and Frappuccinos at night. The store’s manager has one goal for the operation, to “help humanize the environment” for the agents who are isolated without cellphones inside the secretive campus. Because lord knows, we have to keep them as human as possible.
Charlo Greene, a former reporter on Alaska’s KTVA TV, quit on-air last night in a “Half Baked” style move after outing herself as the owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, which she had just been reporting on in the segment.
“Now everything you’ve heard is why I, the actual owner of the Alaska Cannabis Club, will be dedicating all of my energy toward fighting for freedom and fairness, which begins with legalizing marijuana here in Alaska,” she said. “And as for this job, well, not that I have a choice but, fuck it, I quit.”
A United Flight from Newark to Denver had to be diverted to Chicago for a time-out yesterday after two passengers got into tussle over a reclining seat. It all started when a man used the Knee Defender—a lock that jams up the reclining capabilities of the forward seat—to prevent the lady in front of him from reclining while he was typing away on his laptop. After the man refused a flight attendant’s request to remove the banned device, the furious woman in front took the matter into her own hands and tossed her cup of water all over the business-minded traveler. Emotions kept increasing, and the plane was forced to make a pit stop to hand the big babies over to the TSA, who promptly dismissed the case as “a customer service issue.” The real kicker here though? The grown-up children had been previously sitting in the airline’s “economy plus” section.
Four heroin addicted elephants used for smuggling drugs across the border between China and Myanmar are clean after undergoing a year-long rehab program involving megadoses of methadone. By feeding the elephants opium-laced bananas, gangsters were able to control the large pachyderms, forcing them to do anything they wished in order to get “the next fix.”
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