Jeffrey Gamblero, Rest in Peace

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Known to his crew as KORN, and to the world as a Brooklyn Nets “Super-Fan,” Jeffrey Gamblero passed away yesterday due to complications from a two-story fall from a window at his father’s apartment in Queens. He was 38-years old.

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Frostbitten Flamingoes

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Flying the wrong way due to “unusual climactic conditions,” four different flamingoes flapped their way into Siberia last week.

Perverts! Everywhere!

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Tom Ford is selling a golden penis crucifix… although it’s not a likely purchase for the convicted sex offender who won $3 million off a scratch-off ticket. That guy was in Florida, as was this 21-year old, who was caught masturbating outside of his home because “his mother won’t let him watch pornography in the house.” And in other family news… Twin sisters recently did battle over a vibrator and a boyfriend. They were also in Florida.

Serious About Cereal

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General Mills has announced the return of French Toast Crunch to 21st century cereal bowls, but we have to wonder, how will it taste with all the new-fangled nut waters that have infiltrated our refrigerators?

Not as Much Raping and Pillaging as Previously Suggested

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A recent study portrays Vikings as ‘family men’ who brought their women along on voyages to conquer new lands.

Art by Todd James

Rest in Purrs to the World’s Oldest two-faced Cat

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Frank and Louie aka “Frankenlouie” was 15 years old.

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E-cigarettes Can Be Hazardous to Your Computer’s Health

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When plugged into the USB port to charge, your computer might “inhale” malware that’s been hardcoded into the e-cig, essentially making it a digital cancer stick.

DC’s Mayor for Life Has Left This Earth

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Rest In Peace, Marion Barry. We’ll never forgive that bitch Rasheeda for setting you up.

The Bride of Manson

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In a move that must have pay-per-view/reality show producers frothing at the mouth, convicted mass murderer Charles Manson is getting married from behind bars. The lucky girl is 26-year-old Afton Elaine Burton, who left her home at the age of 17 to be close to the incarcerated old man. From all the evidence presented, the 80-year-old (who’s currently serving a life sentence) is holding it down… although due to state law he only gets two hugs per visit and none of those conjugal. The ceremony of these two lovers will take place on the first Saturday of December, January, or February, and only 10 non-inmate guests will be permitted to attend. No outside photography will be allowed, so it will be up to the entrepreneurial skills of one of the guests to bring us the first images of Mr. and Mrs. Manson.
 

Flushed Out

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Jacksonville police recently arrested a 24-year-old man for stealing the toilet flushing mechanisms from 17 different public restrooms.

via, arbroath

You Get What You Pay For

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Or as Phil Rudd—AC/DC’s drummer and the man most recently charged with “drug possession and trying to hire a hitman to kill two people”—learned, you never want your “dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.”

Spiders “bleeding out of the walls”

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Imagine if your house was filled with close to 6000 brown recluse spiders. Open a cabinet, there’s a spider. Get into bed, spider under your comforter. Check on the baby, spider in the crib. Taking a shower, spider hovering down from above. This was one Missouri family’s nightmare two years ago when the house they purchased became grossly infested with the venomous brown recluse. Now in classic American form, the arachnophobic family that abandoned the home are suing the previous owners for not disclosing the 48,000 legged problem.

That’s Mr. Soul Glo To You

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Rest in Perm goes out to black hair-care entrepreneur Comer Cottrell, who turned the jheri curl (as worn by Lionel Richie, above) into an affordable hair style by bringing it into the home in the form of cheap kits targeted at adults and kids alike. He was 82 years old.

(Thanks Rog!)

“Hang in There” Kitty, IRL

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Somehow this cat managed to get wedged between a garage door and its frame down in Flagler Beach, Fl. According to the police captain who helped with the rescue: “There was no damage to the garage door and the cat walked away on its own.” Good enough.

via, arbroath

All Aboard the Snack Raft

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Proving that there’s a lot of air in potato chip packages, two South Korean college students constructed a boat out of 160 unopened bags of chips and paddled it almost a mile across Seoul’s Han River. No word on if any snacks were eaten after the stunt was complete.

There’s No Room for Wild Animals in This Modern World

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A new report from the Living Planet Index states that world wildlife populations have been reduced to half of what they were 40 years ago. The population of wild mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians and fish is down by an average of 52%, while the population of freshwater species is down 76%. No word on house pets and zoo animals, because nobody tracks that sort of thing, but those numbers are probably holding steady.

“Stealthy Starbucks”

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Located inside the CIA’s headquarters in Langley, VA, Starbucks “Store Number 1″ is allegedly one of the busiest in the world, and also due to security risks, the only shop where customer’s names are not written onto cups. Yet somehow through all the secrecy we’re able to learn that the most popular items ordered are vanilla lattes and lemon pound­cake during the day, and double espressos and Frappuccinos at night. The store’s manager has one goal for the operation, to “help humanize the environment” for the agents who are isolated without cellphones inside the secretive campus. Because lord knows, we have to keep them as human as possible.

The Wide World of Weed

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Pot News For Those Who Partake
 
“Pot-Smoking Moms Unapologetic About Getting High”

The 420 Fight Club is a free weekly Martial Arts class held in Washington Square Park

7% fewer Americans support pot legalization than a year ago

September 10, 1914: The date of America’s First Marijuana Bust

Stinky Greens: Officials in Spokane, Washington are thinking about testing sewage for THC to get a gauge on the population’s pot use

The Bone Leaf Pendant (above) is a perfect gift for your Ganja-loving girl

and

While we all know him from his buttoned-up travel show on Saturday television,  Rick Steve’s latest tour is Travel as a Political Act: Ending marijuana prohibition in Oregon
 

“In the end the 2022 World Cup will not take place in Qatar”

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According to a top FIFA official, air-conditioned stadiums built by exploited migrant workers, and games played during the “European winter” might not be enough to keep the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.

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