“To start off with, it’s painful. There’s no coffin there, there’s no casket — nothing there to protect your body. I remember the first bucket of soil hit me — it was a bit of a shock. But then it was a case of, “Right, we’re here, we’re doing it.” And then when the second one hit me, it was more like a foot on your body, and you could feel the soil compressing around you.
You know, you just got to clear your mind and just completely forget that that’s happening if you can. Each bucket that went on to you — obviously the crushing that is coming from the front, you know, underneath you. It’s coming from the sides of you, it’s going on top of you.
Walking in LA is bullshit. As really the only form of exercise I ever got in New York, I thought I would carry the trend on over to the West Coast when I moved out earlier this year. While I still hoof it from place to place in my neighborhood, this city makes you feel uncomfortable doing it. First, there’s the fact that there’s nowhere worth walking to. It just seems that all the best places to go, you need to be driving or be driven. No bodegas either. Secondly, you can’t jaywalk, which is dumb. Let me cross the road when I feel like I can safely enough do it. And finally, this thing where you have to push a button to get a walk signal? Fuck you. Let me jaywalk or automatically turn it on. The unnecessary stress of having to remember to hit that button really ruins a peaceful activity. Great weather though.
Alfredo Adán recently made the task of pushing the walk button a little more enjoyable by turning the act into a fist bump. Good work from him on that.
After spending years as a midwife, Takiko Shindo mastered the Japanese art of Oppai Taisou (translated: boob exercise), which is meant to help women “achieve healthier, shapely bosoms.” Realizing that her hands were a hot commodity and that all women should benefit from her method, Shindo developed the “Oppai Taisou Hand” to simulate her master touch. Essentially an oversized back scratcher, the pink plastic hand allows its user to simulate the groping method in the comfort of their own home.
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