The Greatest Writer Alive

Giraffe

A giraffe once thought
swimming was the only thing in life that made him happy.

He never said it though.
Because that was how musicians talked about their bands.

Dallas Clayton

The Greatest Writer Alive

Earth

Not far away from you
there is someone small
and wounded
coping with the aftermath
of a disaster
which has taken her home.

There is also
just as close
an older man
dedicating his free time
to designing racist T shirts
and bumper stickers.

Today I bought a soccer ball
and played an hour in the grass.

Dallas Clayton

The Greatest Writer Alive

Breaking Day

Three boys sit in the parking lot of a drive through chicken restaurant.
Barely teenagers they are dressed in black T-shirts and cut off jeans, and speak with third generation Echo Park accents.
Equipped with two irregular sized bicycles (one too small, one not small enough) they are planning a mission but cannot agree on where it will take them.
The sun has just retired.
The city is becoming a boundless wonderpark.
None has to be home until Monday.
Rock, paper, scissors dictates who will ride the skateboard.
They circle the lot, profane and curious-
who is a faggot,
who talks like a little bitch,
who runs the game
-then scream off past me, unaware of the tragic state of the U.S. economy,
toward a mission
that will no doubt shape the rest of their lives.

Dallas Clayton

The Greatest Writer Alive

Product Development

My mom called again
Drunk I suspect
and to tell me
she had another great idea
that would make us millions.

She had invented an electric
toothbrush
you could use in your car
with a spit cup
that fit somewhere on the dashboard.

“People would love this,”
she said.
“It would save so much time!”

Now all we have to do
Is find a way to sell this idea
And we would be rich
Rich.
Rich.
Rich.

If you have any leads
please pass them along to her.
Her name is Donna.

Dallas Clayton

The Greatest Writer Alive

We are so happy to introduce a new weekly column to The World’s Best Ever by our friend, Dallas Clayton

THE RAPPER INSIDE YOU

The rapper inside
wants to kill you all up
with words about how good and strong he is
how he was so poor you couldn’t even believe
and you told him he was nothing but now he
owns a boat that turns into a helicopter.

The rapper inside is going to make so much money today
he can buy the sun and won’t even let you look at it
so you will freeze to death and your family
will freeze to death too
and before you die
all you will have to think about
is the rapper on a beach
dancing naked
with someone you wish
could be your girlfriend
in high school.

Dallas Clayton

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