The Principals Office

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Been a while folks, but we’re back with another Principals Office! We hope you’ve missed us a much as we’ve missed you. Truth be told, we wanted out. But you, our adoring public dragged us back into the game. And since no new design can escape our watchful eyes, someone has to do the dirty work of calling out the bad ones. This week we present to you the (somewhat) new invention from Fabrikan called “Spray on Fabric.” It’s real, and it was almost too easy for us to write about…. almost!  Voted by Time Magazine the 6th best invention of 2010, it’s the flamboyantly gay brother to Ron Popeil’s Hair in a Can, ironically voted one of Time’s 50 worst inventions of 2010.  But the irony doesn’t stop there, Time magazine has more in store for us.  Always a bulwark of journalistic ethics and hard hitting reporting, Time lays it out in their opening pitch:

For Spray-On Fabric

“Cheese, Insulation, hair – a lot of surprising things can come out of spray cans.  Now we can add clothing to that list.”

For Hair in a Can

“Cheese, Spam, sardines – nothing really good has ever come from a can.  Hair is no exception.”

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The Principals Office

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Anyone with half a brain who’s ever seen Teen Wolf knows these simple facts: Don’t get less than 8 hours of sleep, never have sex with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body, and don’t play cards with someone who has the first name of a city.  These three easy rules, what we like to call, “The Principals Principles” have never failed us in our not-so-difficult trek towards perfection.  But like any axiom, they should be able to evolve with the changing times. And since the orgiastic feast begetted by the 3D printer, these times really-are-a-changin’ (well… not really really a-changin’, just like, theoretically a-changin’). The newest big name to join the wild rumpus is Ron Arad, famous not only for producing chairs so well designed they actually defy being sat upon, but also a dude with a snappy taste in hats.

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The Principals Office

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We’re celebrating our lucky number 13th post with a bit of a relaunch: a new graphic by Aiyana Udesen, and an evolution in the rules of the game. The format stays the same, we’re still The Principals, we still have an Office, but to get called into The Principals Office now you gotta be a public figure. And to heighten the danger, since some of these public figures aren’t readers of TWBE (a good start as to why they might be getting called in) we’re gonna call them out on whatever social media outlet they use to communicate with their fanbase: facebook, their blog, carrier pigeon network, cat memes, whatevs.

To kick off our new format, we’re going after a big dog: esteemed architect, pritzker prize winner, and all around bilbo ballbagger: Rem Koolhaas, On the cocktail party scale of, “droppin’ names to get laid,” if Roman and Williams are a handy in the bathroom, Koolhaas is an ass-to-mouth threesome in the kitchen. But even for a big gun like Koolhaas, the global depression has had an impact. Thus his new furniture line for Knoll called “Tools for Life.” It’s a pretty standard track for any architect when the commissions start to dry up; have some interns fart out designs for a furniture line, ship it off to China for production, then slap a price tag on it with no less that 4 zeros and BOOM! you’re back makin’ Bentley payments and wearing Prada suits in no time.

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The Principals Office

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Design is more or less an invented field. If you think about it, anyone could be a designer, you just gotta invent some stuff. Could be a radio-controlled toilet paper dispenser (patent-pending) or it could be as simple as some new bullshit phrase people like to say. For the lucky few, coining a phrase is the breakthrough moment in an otherwise mediocre career,  the jewel in the crown of their wikipedia bio. For instance, a person like Sara Driver, consequential only for nailing Jim Jarmusch, invents the phrase “necro-tourism” and 10 years later BAM! She’s being written about in The Principals Office.

Being useful is not a requirement for an invented word (although nary a day goes by without someone finding a use for “necro-tourism” in our studio). Counter-intuitively it’s an invented word’s useless-ness that is key. Case in point, the mother of all invented words: Guesstimate. A word so useless it’s practially begging to be called into The Principals Office.  Well you’ve got your wish Guesstimate, you’ve been called in, report!

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The Principals Office

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It’s Spring, and that means Easter time, so how better to follow up the success of last week’s Principals Office than by phoning in a holiday-themed episode! But if we’re gonna phone it in, we’re gonna phone it in on something close to the heart (it’s even easier that way). So this week we’re calling in that delicious little rascal, Cadbury Creme Egg, report to The Principals Office!

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