We’re celebrating our lucky number 13th post with a bit of a relaunch: a new graphic by Aiyana Udesen, and an evolution in the rules of the game. The format stays the same, we’re still The Principals, we still have an Office, but to get called into The Principals Office now you gotta be a public figure. And to heighten the danger, since some of these public figures aren’t readers of TWBE (a good start as to why they might be getting called in) we’re gonna call them out on whatever social media outlet they use to communicate with their fanbase: facebook, their blog, carrier pigeon network, cat memes, whatevs.
To kick off our new format, we’re going after a big dog: esteemed architect, pritzker prize winner, and all around bilbo ballbagger: Rem Koolhaas, On the cocktail party scale of, “droppin’ names to get laid,” if Roman and Williams are a handy in the bathroom, Koolhaas is an ass-to-mouth threesome in the kitchen. But even for a big gun like Koolhaas, the global depression has had an impact. Thus his new furniture line for Knoll called “Tools for Life.” It’s a pretty standard track for any architect when the commissions start to dry up; have some interns fart out designs for a furniture line, ship it off to China for production, then slap a price tag on it with no less that 4 zeros and BOOM! you’re back makin’ Bentley payments and wearing Prada suits in no time.
Now, I can hear you asking, “if architects designing crappy furniture is such a daily occurrence, what’s so bad about Koolhaas?” Well, most architects keep to the standard format: Table’s got 4 legs? Check. Chair’s gotta seat? Double check. Fuck it up a little with some oblique angles and voila, you got your signature architect-designed furniture line. Koolhaas’ interns saw that model and were like, “nahhhh, fuck that noise.” What sells these days ain’t name brands; ideas sell, the flimsier the better. And there’s no idea selling better than “Interaction” (with the exception of 3D printing of course). “Tools for Life” looks at all those saps whiling their lives away with furniture that doesn’t move and says, “you got it too easy!” They looked at their asshole roommate Ron, using up all the olive oil and knockin’ over the recycling can and said, why can’t we design furniture like him?
And there you have it, swiveling blocks that knock all the shit you just put on them – right off onto the floor. Button controlled chairs that rise and lower just like at the dentist office, but now without the judgement that comes with infrequent flossing. And as any idiot knows, you got a button-controlled chair with no button-controlled table, you ain’t got dick. So you go GET yourself a button-controlled table to go next to your Electropedic adjustable bed, and all of of the sudden Ron doesn’t seem all that bad.
Grade: U for Un-Koolhaas.
The Principals are a Brooklyn-based interactive design studio