Over the next week we’ll be pulling some interesting pages from The Worst of While You Were Sleeping in an effort to encourage you to go out and buy the book.
Interview by Roger Rock, Fat Rich, and Richard Colman
Do you think the Incredible Hulk has a bigger penis than you?
No, because usually guys that are into bodybuilding have very small penises. That’s why they go into bodybuilding in the first place.
From one stud to another, do you ever cry yourself to sleep at night?
Why? There are times that I might get sad because there is nothing romantic in my life. That’s one thing you miss being in porno. It’s hard to have a relationship because no one will take you seriously. It’s like Sam Kinison used to say, “Well honey, I really enjoyed having breakfast with you but now I gotta go fuck somebody. I’ll see you Thursday.” How many girlfriends want to hear that? It gets lonely once in a while.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
We all have. It’s hard to be in porn for that reason. I love it for every other reason.
How do you feel about blood and sex?
They don’t match. If a girl is having her period, I’ll still give her head because you don’t eat on the inside you eat on the outside.
How did you first discover that your penis was larger than normal?
My ex-girlfriend told me that it was larger than normal and that her girlfriends would get a kick out of it when she would tell them my size. It was junior year in high school. I asked my dad if it was unusual if a guy could kiss his own penis and he said, “It certainly is, son.” Then I wound up making money on it years later. I sucked my dick in a couple of films. Eddie Murphy did a routine about it.
Have you ever stuck anything in your ass?
No! I haven’t had a prostate exam since I was in my teens, and I’m now 45. My dad tells me I’m going to have to have one. I’m nervous about it— nothing has been up my ass.
Since you’re in pornos and you get all these chicks, what do you do for kicks?
Get chicks some more, read Shakespeare, go to concerts. I have a normal social life. I go out a lot.
Where did you go to college?
Queens College BA and Queens College masters.
How many hot dogs could you eat in 60 seconds?
If I’m really hungry, more than I would want to because I would be burping and shitting the rest of the night. I really could probably devour more than most people. If someone wanted to pay me for that type on contest, I would do great. Just for the hell of it, I would not do it because of the after effects. I would be lighting up my farts with candles.
Does your penis have a name?
Herman. I like that name. I’m more like a teddy bear than what you would call a sex symbol. Lord knows I haven’t been a sex symbol since 20 years ago. I went from Playgirl magazine to Field & Stream. The thing is, I went from working out in the gym to working out at the buffet. When you say something cutesy girls like it. If I say something like, “Come here honey, and suck on my cock,” it doesn’t work for me. It works for maybe Rocco or Peter North. So I say, “Why don’t you come over here and kiss my Herman?” It’s less threatening.
All-you-can-fuck or all-you-can-eat?
That’s a tough damn choice. Can’t answer that one.
What’s your favorite food?
Basically anything except Limberger cheese and blue cheese.
What do you think of shit and sex?
It doesn’t go. We have all done anal scenes when you yank it out you hear this little pop and there’s a little bit of shit on your penis. It happens. Some girls get very embarrassed and some guys make girls feel bad. You don’t want to do that. You just cover it and run to the bathroom and wash it off.
According to Genghis Khan, what do you do when you have 17 rapists and one girl?
They get cannibalist? You either share or they do each other.
You cut holes in them.
I thought I was kinky until I met you three guys. I’m so straight, you know. I do these movies, I give a little head, I fuck, I roll over and I burp and I watch HBO and sleep till spring. I really am a rather boring guy. You guys are way kinkier than I will ever be.
How many women do you think it has been?
Including your mom, I’ve had 1,500 women in films. Probably a couple thousand.
Didn’t you do a movie where you had sex in a pot of baked beans?
Yes. I also did a movie where I had sex in a pot of spaghetti. I recently did a film where I’m rolling around in grapes making wine.
You look just like my friend Todd.
Does he have a big penis also?
I don’t think so. What do you think of Jesus Christ?
I feel like all Jews feel that Jesus Christ is probably a hell of a nice guy, a great carpenter and had a lot of special powers.
If you were an alarm clock, how would you wake me up?
I would probably piss on you.
Would you punch an alien?
I believe in making friends.
Do you have any patented moves?
The back massage, the kiss on the back of the neck giving the girl goose bumps then rubbing her rear end and playing with her boobs. Then within five minutes I’m doing anal.
Is it hard having the most beautiful eyes in the industry?
I’m going to kiss you right where you stand you sexy bastard. I do have nice eyes, nice teeth and a decent penis. A lot of other features can go.
What does your cum taste like?
Debi Diamond said in an interview once that mine is actually not bad. I don’t eat a lot of spicy foods. You are what you eat. I was told by a lot of girls that for a fat, chunky little bastard my cum tastes fine. You get some of these guys that have this chunky stuff and you look at it and you just want to hurl.
Originally printed in WYWS Issue #4
Editor’s note/Roger Gastman: Rich and I drove to Philadelphia to interview Ron Jeremy and Jasmine St. Claire, who was the current gangbang queen. We met them at a shitty strip club, and had to wait around all night to do the interview because they were busy. Ron Jeremy was awesome, and I’m proud to say would recognize me whenever I would run into him afterward. We even saw him wearing a WYWS T-shirt in a porn movie years later. We never ran the Jasmin St. Claire interview. It might have had something to do with the fact that she wanted to rip off Rich’s head. I think Rich asked her what her IQ was, and she got really pissed.
Richard’s note: That place was a hellhole. Strip clubs in general make me uncomfortable, and we had to wait around this one for what seemed like forever. I can’t remember a time before this when I had been more uneasy. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Ron was very nice and fun to talk to though. He was a good guy and a real sport for putting up with us.