With the recent rash of semi-anonymous dating blogs, it seems like someone is begging us to redefine the terms of online dating. So, what if match.com fails, and Nerve, and Chemistry and even JDate—is I Bang the Worst Dudes (Sorry, Mom) the best we’ve got?

The most remarkable thing about the sometimes gruesome, mostly funny tales of user tested, mom wouldn’t approve men (accompanied by their faces covered by black bars to hide their identities) is that the stories actually aren’t that remarkable. In fact, I came up with better stories when I was 13 and wrote in fake tell-all’s to Cosmo with my friends.

He wanted to listen to DMX because the sound of dogs barking got him off? He made you crawl in through the window? He ate 3 cheeseburgers and farted all night? Sounds about right…

This isn’t a case of dating the right guy at the wrong time, it’s the problem of dating the wrong guys all the time. These aren’t DABA girls, and Dating a Hipster Anonymous just doesn’t have the same ring to it. There are no book deals or Hollywood screenplays here. Sorry mom, all I got was the clap.