Hey there flappers and fatties, Gene Parmesean here with your newest installment of Kid Nation. Just as I thought this show couldn’t come any closer to the heart of Humanity’s eternal struggle, the ontological quest we’ve grappled with since man’s fall; the Pioneers of Bonanza city teach us something new: Religious Tolerance. As if cleaning up after Yellow or consistently losing to Blue or just having a four-eyes like Mike as your district leader wasn’t bad enough, the denizens of Bonanza City are forced by their increasingly demagogic Town Council to recognize religious services and even worse, not just cross-denominational but with, like, Jews and Hindus and stuff…….gross!! But while the town council was wondering if there’d be enough cookies and orange drink for the Pioneers and all their Gods (Apparently Hindus have like fourteen thousand million Gods or something) the town took their own vote and decided to skip out. And the down time would be critical because this week’s challenge would be the thinking man’s challenge. Just like in the Old West, to prove once and for all which District is the smartest they called a puzzle-party. And not just any puzzle-party; continuing with the religious theme, the Pioneers would be assembling a gigantic puzzle of a church. Once again Anjay proved his district as the perfect storm of pioneers; with both brawn and brain they destroyed the competition and took back the upper class. The race for last would be the most interesting as Yellow narrowly beat out Green to be the cooks. Luckily both were finished with enough time for the town to receive the Bonus Prize, or what I like to call the ‘Boner’ Prize; cause every time the Council gets a shot at something cool they turn into a bunch of boners. This week was no different as they allowed the town to ruin it for themselves, voting en masse for a set of religious books over a miniature golf course. Let’s count this one out Bonanza City: so far you could have a water slide, cable tv, miniature golf and a pizza party. Instead you got a barrel of cocoa and a bible… boners indeed. Until next time, stay sleazy you taco crotches.
